Detective Baddass
by Kyarorain
Summary: A typical day in the life of Detective Tyrell Badd, the most badass detective ever.


**Detective Baddass**

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Yes, the title is meant to be spelled that way.

This is a fic about the most badass detective ever, because he deserves a fic about how awesome he is.

Capcom owns the Ace Attorney series, not me.

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The sun's light filtered through the curtains, signalling that it was the start of a brand new day. With a brand new day came more crimes to solve and criminals to bust. Detective Tyrell Badd rose from his bed and went through his morning routine before eating a quick breakfast and setting out, ready to fight crime.

He had barely left his street when he heard a scream. Badd rushed to the scene and saw a house on fire. A woman was standing on the lawn, crying out that her baby was still inside.

Badd did not hesitate at the chance to do something heroic. He calmly strolled in through the front door, ignoring the raging flames all around him. In fact, the flames seemed to shy away from him. The smoke was no problem either. He rushed up the stairs toward the sound of crying and burst into the nursery, making his way toward the crib by the wall. A baby loudly screamed and flailed its arms. Badd gently picked it up and turned around. At that moment, the ceiling crashed down and blocked the door.

Badd merely shrugged at this turn of events and jumped through the window instead, making sure to shield the baby from the flying glass. He nimbly landed on his feet and walked around to the front of the house, handing the baby over to the relieved woman. People watched on in shock and awe.

Badd continued on his way, taking a lollipop from his pocket. He unwrapped it and put it in his mouth. As he reached a busy road, he merely strode into the traffic. Cars halted and horns honked furiously as he made his way to the other side of the street. At the next road he came to, the same thing happened except there was a van that couldn't stop in time and came bearing down on him, its horn blaring.

Badd turned around and put out a hand, resting it against the van's bumper and stopping the van in its track. The van's driver stared with his mouth hanging open. Badd raised a hand in a wave and continued walking.

The detective turned down a quiet street where nobody else was around. At the other end of the street, a woman started walking down it. Suddenly, a man burst out of an alleyway and snatched the handbag dangling from her arm.

Badd saw all this happen. Immediately, he started running so fast that the ground was torn up in his wake and was standing in front of the unruly thief a few seconds later.

The thief looked nervously into Badd's eyes and suddenly let out an unearthly scream as if in sheer agony. He then toppled over onto his back as his life force was extinguished. Badd retrieved the handbag and returned it to its owner.

He was getting close to the police station now. On the way there, Badd walked past a park and stopped as he heard a plaintive mew. He turned his head to see a cat stuck high up in the branches of a leafy tree. The poor feliine was evidently stuck with no way to get down. Badd swiftly rushed over and scaled the trunk of the tree until he was next to the kitten. He carefully pried it off the branch and jumped down, setting it on the ground.

Badd was able to reach the police station with no further interruptions. He worked long and hard throughout the day. In the end, he had managed to apprehend over twenty criminals and even solved four murders, plus he only got one extra bullet hole to his jackt. The rest of the bullets he had manaed to dodge. It was a pretty good day.

However, there was still one more thing to deal with though he did not yet know it. Badd was just leisurely walking down a street when he heard mocking laughter and stopped, turning around to see a man standing behind him.

"Detective Tyrell Badd?" the man spoke with a sneer. "My name is Chuck Norris and it is my sworn duty to take down anybody who tries to be even more badass than I am."

Badd reached into his pocket and took out his mirror, gazing deeply into it while stroking his chin. "You are challenging me to a fight then? Then you should know that nobody has ever beaten me in a fight before."

"Heh, then I shall be the first. Take this!" Chuck Norris charged at Detective Badd, swinging his foot in a roundhouse kick.

Badd put the mirror away and swiftly grabbed the foot with both hands before it connected with his head. Chuck let out a gasp of surprise. Badd tugged at his leg and hurled Chuck over his shoulder. Chuck Norris landed on his knees and hands.

"Heh, good catch. But that won't be enough!" Chuck lunged at Badd again, drawing back a fist. Badd's hand shot out and and grabbed the front of his shirt. The detective then started to spin around very fast, swinging Chuck along with him.

"I... I'm dizzy!" Chuck wailed. He was sure he was going to hurl in a moment.

Suddenly, Badd let go of Chuck and he hurtled at over sixty miles an hour straight through the brick wall of a nearby house, leaving a large hole. Badd stood and waited patiently with his arms folded.

A few minutes later, Chuck Norris came crawling through the hole, bleeding from several places on his body. He staggered to his feet, swaying on the spot. "I'm not done for yet," he gasped out.

Badd raised an eyebrow. Chuck did look done for at this point but if he wanted to keep fighting, then Badd wasn't going to back down. He strolled up and punched Chuck in the jaw, knocking out every single one of his teeth. Then he swung his foot upward. It connected with Chuck Norris's family jewels and sent him shooting off into the sky. Badd looked up, watching him grow smaller and smaller until he eventually disappeared.

Badd dusted off his hands and took out another lollipop to suck on while he walked back home. Already, he was looking forward to tomorrow. Life as the most badass detective in the world was good.


End file.
